Heart Heart Head
by wellisandra
Summary: Also known as 'How Amy Learned to Stop Worrying and Realized That She Loved the Bomb'; Post-Election Night; Selina/Amy


Written as a birthday present for tumblr user presidentselina.  
Also, I'd like to thank tumblr user jonahryan for taking a look at this before I posted it.  
The title & the quotes in italics are lyrics from Meg Myers' 'Heart Heart Head' and the numbering of the ~parts is completely intentional lol

* * *

 **ii.**  
 _i can barely speak,  
black and white bed sheets,  
i feel the air retreat;  
i know you're here with me._

Amy's original plan was––okay there was no original plan per se, as she never in million years thought that this would _ever_ happen––but the one she'd just made up, was to quietly slip out of the bed, gather her clothes and leave before Selina (or anyone else for that matter) woke up and noticed her sneaking out of her former boss' hotel room, early in the morning. Said plan, however, had probably already failed before she even thought it up.

Her first mistake was temporarily forgetting for some reason that her former boss was the actual President of the United States, which meant that she had no such thing as private life. The second was––which was an even stupider thing to forget––that Gary would be the first one to show up at Selina's hotel room door waiting for her to wake up (not counting the secret service agents who had been there all night and Selina's core staff who probably needed said president to run the country). And the third one was––which she positively _should have_ remembered after being by her side for more than a decade––that Selina's overall needy nature would not let her to just take off without a word.

So when Selina let out a sleepy, faint mumble beside her which could've either been 'Ame' or 'stay' and turned around throwing one of her legs over Amy's and an arm around her midriff and nuzzled against her neck, Amy realized that she might as well just go back to sleep and enjoy the moment while it lasts.

 **i.**  
 _pressure on my lips,  
i'd die for just one kiss…  
wake, i can't resist;  
could i be dreaming this?_

It was already almost four in the morning, and only she and Selina remained in the Presidential suite––most of the staff were already up to their necks in alcohol while some others just went to sleep exhausted from the election night, not even bothering to get drunk, except probably Karen whom Selina, thank whatever deity there was, ditched ten minutes after going off the stage at the rally.

It was weird how easy it had been to fall back into the old routine––her sitting on a sofa, watching Selina pace up and down and listening to her complain endlessly. Amy had to fight back the urge to smile, because despite the fact that right now they were––well, Selina was––in a political purgatory, she finally felt like everything was as it was supposed to be.

Spending the last few months without Selina made her realize a lot of things about herself––mainly it helped her finally face with the fact that what she felt for her former boss was more than a sense of loyalty or devotion to get the first female president elected. If she thought about it more, all the signs were there about her being attracted to women.

She could probably trace it back to her middle school days, but at that time she'd just always dismissed it as a sort of admiration of strong women and crazy teenage hormones. And the fact that what she now considered crushes, were in fact always older women, and never her peers, didn't help either. When she first started as an intern with Selina, barely out of college, relationships, love and other nonsense like that hadn't been her priority, so it was easy to put the fact that she was, well, captivated by Selina the moment she met her, out of her mind. And then, as the years and at rare times boyfriends went by, it was even easier to blame her busy schedule for the fact that she'd never been romantically interested in men. The sex was a good stress relief, for sure, but there wasn't any actual affection from her part, which perhaps until tonight, she'd always pegged as being broken in some way, a fact, she considered, she'd learned to come to terms with over the years.

Now, however, everything was clear and it felt like a weight had been taken off of her. The realization itself wasn't a big moment, it was gradual, filled with sleepless nights over the past months thinking about Selina. She couldn't exactly pinpoint the moment everything had dawned on her but if she had to choose, it was probably somewhere between driving to the hotel and trying to keep Selina from falling completely apart.

And now, for all intents and purposes she felt giddy, as if her world had taken a complete one hundred and eighty turn, and even though everything was physically the same, she knew it wasn't (not for her, at least).

So probably the cluster of these thoughts were what prompted her to stand up from the sofa and kiss Selina––an act that, if she was in her right mind, she would've realized could've ended disastrously. Making a move on the President of the United States without said president's permission would surely be a whole new level of sexual harassment in the workplace (one perhaps ending in execution or something—and it definitely wouldn't look good on her resume either).

When later Amy thought back to this night, she certainly knew that there was a moment, as soon as their lips touched, when they both froze, but then she decided to push her luck and slowly continue to kiss Selina––she couldn't back out now, could she? Perhaps it was the events of the night that made her former boss vulnerable and thus receptive for Amy coming on to her, but whatever it was, she soon felt Selina give in and kiss her back.

It was strange, kissing a woman, especially someone like Selina, whom Amy knew to be never being shy about intimacy––perks of having worked for her for more than a decade. So the strangest part wasn't the softer lips or the overall huge difference she couldn't be bothered discern at that moment or the stupid fireworks going off in her head, but the fact that Selina, for all intents and purposes, was, well, tentative––although this probably had a lot to do with Amy having caught her off-guard.

When Amy finally pulled back the silence was palpable and Selina (and presumably her as well) had a deer caught in the headlights look on her face. Neither of them moved for a heartbeat––Amy realizing that she hadn't really thought this through and Selina thinking, well whatever she was thinking, because for the first time in years Amy hadn't the slightest what was going through the woman's mind who she knew at this point perhaps better than herself.

Hence, when Selina slid both of her hands on her cheek pressing her lips against Amy's, she was the one caught entirely off-guard. She, however, didn't have time to think anymore, because all the tentativeness of the previous kiss had disappeared and the insistence and even an ounce of desperation had taken over.

Amy's brain had probably completely fried in that moment because she wasn't really sure how they ended up on the bed after that or how their clothes wound up strewn all across the room (later she would find her bra, in a very cliché way, hanging from the chandelier).

 **iii.**  
 _you're in my heart,  
in my heart, in my head  
you're in my heart,  
in my heart, in my head_

In the morning when Amy got out of the shower and let Selina into the bathroom, there was a hint of awkwardness between them; from her part anyway––Selina mostly just seemed exhausted (understandably, after the massive fuck-up that had been the night before). Now, that the blind courage (and probably insanity) that urged her to make a move on Selina had faded, it started to dawn on her how incredibly stupid idea it was. In fact, if she'd bothered to google it, she was sure she'd have found dozens of articles on why it had been probably the worst idea to sleep with your former boss-slash-longtime crush-slash-President of the fucking United States (probably not on the last one, but still). And yet, what really concerned her at that moment was how she didn't feel an ounce of actual regret.

Although, she was sure that if, by any chance, what happened between them was to turn into anything more than a one night stand, it would eat her alive, probably until she ended up drooling in a straitjacket––Selina's overall self-destructiveness and general toxicity and narcissism hadn't ever boded well with anyone. Not to mention the major shitstorm it could create if it ever got out.

So the best (and smartest) thing would've been to just get out of the hotel room while Selina was in the shower and not bring up what had happened _ever_ again for both of their sakes. And yet, despite all the alarms going off in her head all at once, right now all she could think about was how far more interested she was in seeing Selina come out of the bathroom all wet and flushed from said shower, than doing the sensible thing and running as fast, and far, she could.

She couldn't find it in herself, after spending the last months coming to terms with her real feelings about her former boss and re-evaluating perhaps even her whole life, to back out and run away now. Probably even Selina had expected the same thing because when she'd finally come out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, for a fleeting moment she'd definitely looked taken aback to find Amy still there.

At that moment she could pinpoint the exact moment her brain had gone haywire because the next thing she knew was that she was crossing the room with determined steps, still wearing only a towel herself and, yet again, pressing her lips against Selina's––this time without any hesitation or inclination to back down.

 **iv.**  
 _you're in my  
heart  
heart  
head_

It was almost noon when Amy finally had left the Presidential suite. Stepping out of the door the first thing she came across were five pairs of eyes staring at her taking in her disheveled appearance drawing their conclusions––well, Gary at least had a positively hostile look on his face. And yet, Amy had a very hard time to hide the stupid grin (and the just-got-fucked look) that must've been on her face.

"So... had a good night?" said Ben, deciding to be the first to break the awkward silence in the hallway, cracking a smile with an I-told-you-so expression on his face. Amy didn't answer but she felt her cheeks burning (even more so after catching a slight smirk on Sue's face as well)––so after letting out a nervous laugh and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she blurted out something similar to 'I've gotta go' and took off as smoothly (and fast) as possible. 

_fin._


End file.
